12/1-The Santa Clause (1994)

The Santa Clause is truly a modern classic.

Scott Calvin (Tim Allen.  Also note the initials, classic foreshadowing) is a big executive at a big toy company that has the type of Christmas party that I don't think actually exists.  You know that kind that takes up a whole skyscraper lobby, replete with booze and live musicians, and apparently no family members either, which we learn because Tim Allen makes an adultery joke (Disney family values!).

Anyway, he is a divorced father who clearly doesn't set aside enough time for his kid.  We know this because when Charlie (the son) is dropped off for visitation rights on Christmas Eve, he can barely wait until his mom picks him up in the morning (like fewer than 12 hours later).  Oh, and it's very important to note that his mom's new man is Judge Reinhold playing a Cosby-sweater-wearing psychiatrist named Neil.

"My name is Judge"

Seriously, every movie is better with Judge Reinhold.  Ever see the Freaky Friday copy, Vice Versa, where JR and Fred Savage switch bodies?  Of course you haven't, but you should.  My parents have it on laser disc, so you can ask them to borrow it.  Also, who's your favorite character from Fast Times at Ridgemont High?  You're right, it's not Spicoli, it's Judge-Fucking-Reinhold.

I've gotten way off track.

So it's Christmas Eve, with disappointment after disappointment for Charlie.  First there doesn't seem to be that many presents, "But Santa hasn't come yet!" Scott reassures him.  But apparently, Neil has taken it upon himself to inform little Charlie that Santa isn't real, which Scott does his best to deny.  Scott then burns the turkey and seemingly everything to the point where they must venture into the city to find a restaurant that's open.

"You like osso buco?" Scott asks his five-year-old son.  Doesn't matter because the Italian place is closed.  In fact, everything is closed except for Denny's!  And inside there are exactly two kinds of costumers, Japanese businessmen (for some reason) and depressing divorced dads with their sad kids.

Basically this Christmas sucks for Charlie.

But wait!  What's that we hear?  A clatter on the roof!  What could it be?!

Scott freaks out, thinking it's an intruder, but obviously it's Santa Claus, who proceeds to fall off the roof and disappear.  I won't say die because the movie doesn't, but he's definitely dead.  In the Santa suit, is a card that reads:

Seems simple enough.  So Scott puts on the suit and gets in the sleigh, then the reindeer proceed to take him to the next house where Santa's magic sack (I think those are the words they use, but that could just be me editorializing) lifts him into and down the chimney with the correct presents in tow.

"Dad, you're flying!" Charlie exclaims.

"It's okay, I'm used to it. I lived through the '60s." Scott coyly responds as a little wink to adults watching with their kids and the 20-somethings watching for fun.

Once they finish all the houses, the reindeer take them to the North Pole where they learn from the head elf (David Krumholtz) that upon putting on the suit, he has become Santa Claus forever, or until he dies like the other one (again, they don't say die, but they're taking about death).  Indeed, this is the clause referred to in the title, it is quite literally, the Santa clause, which if you can blow up the tiny red font above, you'll see.

I'd like to take a moment here to talk about the fact that this title blew my mind as a 4 and a half-year-old.  "Wait, you mean to tell me that a title can mean two different things, but are both still related to the subject at hand?"

Artist's depiction of 4-year-old Ben

But seriously, in memory, I thought title was more of a wink to the audience.  Like, yeah Tim Allen become Santa because of a clause on the card, but you have to kinda put two and two together; surely they don't come right out and say it.  Well actually, they do.  For like five minutes straight.  It's not subtle at all.  I probably wanted to think I was clever and got something a lot of other people didn't (like how in Face/Off, they have a face-off, but also, they literally take their faces off!) because I was an egotistically little shit (ha ha, past tense!)

Anyway, here's a terrible quality clip of said scene:

While we're on the subject of Bernard, who's idea was it to cast one of the most Jewish actors out there as the head elf?  Not only that, but he's slightly conniving with the contract.  I'd say its perpetuating stereotypes, but at the end of the day, he's playing an elf, so who gives a shit.

Also elf-related, the elves are played by children which brings up some weird things when you think too hard about it (probably a good thing you don't).  So they establish that the elves live a very long time, Bernard is 1200-years-old for example, but they still look like kids.  So in the workshop scene, even though the characters are all old, you still just see a bunch of kids working in a factory.  In addition, Tim Allen kinda flirts with one.  Again, not weird because of the characters, but a little odd if you haven't suspended your disbelief.

There are a number of delightful wordplay jokes, which you would expect from a movie whose conflict has its foundation in a homophone joke. My favorite is here, which is a take on the line "arose such a clatter."

In the end, this movie sleighed me (deal with it).  It has humor, it has heart, and it has some really nice messages for people of all ages.  I'd be lying if I said I didn't tear up a little at the end.

Rating on the feel-good-o-meter: 7 out of 10 hugs