12/3-The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006)

Before I say anything about this movie, I just want to say that I love Martin Short in literally everything he's done, and everything he's in is better for his presence.  I have seen every episode of the terrible Mulaney because of how much I love Martin Short.  I also love John Mulaney, but good God, that show is just bad.  I want so badly to like it, but I just can't.  That's not the point though, the point is, I've seen it because Martin Short is amazing.  He's amazing as Jiminy Glick, he's amazing as the theater teacher in Get Over It, and he's amazing as Uncle Jack from Arrested Development ("Swoop me!").

What I'm trying to say is that I like Martin Short, and that may or may not have affected my thoughts on this film.  Spoiler alert, it did.  This movie was pretty trash, but I loved it all the same.

Another side-note, it was kind of fun watching a franchise that spans a decade because you can see the subtle logo changes Disney made to their castle scene at the beginning of each movie.

So we open on Mrs. Claus teaching the little elves, or at least I assume they are little because they are in school, but it's impossible to really tell because the child elves look identical to the millennium-old elves.  Which makes it all the more humorous that Curtis clearly went through puberty in the four years between filming, as both his height increased more than you'd like for an elf, and his voice dropped.  But alas, just shut up and suspend your disbelief I remind myself.

We quickly learn that the Carol is pregnant and expecting any day now.  The Santa Clause movies seemed to adapt the Frankenstein franchise plan of introduce lead in the first, get him a wife in the second, and have a kid in the third (for the record, the Chucky movies did the same thing [and yes, I know, it's really the Child's Play series, but it wasn't until they dropped that name that they followed the Frankenstein model]).

She seems to be in labor and is rushed off to the elfirmary (the elf puns never stop amazing me).  By the way, a repeated background joke through all three movies is there is a "ballroom" in Santa's workshop that they never enter, but through the little window, you see balls flying across the room; more wordplay that I cannot get enough of.  But it turns out, the contractions were a false alarm.  The stress of the impending Christmas and baby are getting to both Clauses.

By the way, this doesn't affect the movie as a whole, but holy shit, check out the fireplace in Santa's room.

I wish it was animated to get the full, horrifying effect.

Like who has a magic fireplace that takes up an entire wall that is in the shape of your own face in your bedroom?  Santa Claus is apparently who,

We again meet the Council of Legendary Figures, who have called a special meeting to determine the punishment for Jack Frost (my man Martin) who has been trying to steal Santa's thunder with a new holiday, working titled Frost-mas.  The first really disappointing thing about this movie, is that Jack isn't completely blue like he is on the poster.  He's got frosted hair and an icicle tie, but he's not blue like the Kree.  But color aside, Frost can chew the scenery like nobody's business.

He convinces the council of his remorse for his crimes and suggests that he help Santa with all the business surrounding Christmas, what with his child coming soon as well.  They agree, but not before mentioning "the escape clause" which clearly piques Frost's interest, though he doesn't totally know what it is.  He clearly has ulterior motives, but no one seems to notice or care because they are all idiots, or more likely, it's a dumb sequel to a sequel to a kids movie.

Plus, he's got a trust-worthy face.

So in order to help ease Carol's stress, Santa decides to invite her parents to the North Pole for Christmas.  But in order to maintain the SOS (secret of Santa), he concocts a clever ruse to turn the North Pole village into a Canadian village.  It's one of those things, where it's so stupid, yet I still found myself smiling at the concept.  Jack Frost does a good job with all his tasks in order to solidify the idea that he is genuinely sorry for what he did.  With his new respect, he manipulates Curtis into explaining the escape clause.  Basically there's a room filled with snow globes and if Santa picks up his personal globe and says a specific phrase, he's magically returned to just before he became Santa.

In Santa's trip to America to pick up the in-laws, he learn some valuable things.  Number one, Judge Reinhold wears a Cosby-sweater vest.  It changes everything I though I knew about Cosby-sweaters.  And number two, Carol's dad is played by the marvelous Alan Arkin, who's an intense DIY handyman.  This is as good a time as any to say that the reindeer were my least favorite characters because they just spoke nonsense in a really dumb voice and farted.  Now, I like dumb-voice nonsense like the minions in Despicable Me and I like fart jokes, but both aspects were just completely unmotivated.  I want to know *why* it's farting, and how does it affect the scene that he farted.  These are what makes farts funny.

Anyway, Frost begins sabotaging the different departments and driving a wedge between Santa and Carol and her family.  Leading up to him stealing Scott's snow globe for some obviously nefarious deed.  When he's caught be Scott's niece and accused of being put on the naughty list, he drops this truth bomb on her: "Naughty list people have more fun."

That's just real life being laid out for everyone to see.

Unfortunately for Mr. Frost and those on the naughty list, their fun tends to catch up to them.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.

After more needling, Santa and his in-laws have a big fight, leaving Scott to walk away and compose himself.  Frost comes to comfort him, but really just tricks Santa into saying the magic phrase while holding his snow globe.  Jack latches onto Scott as the two are transported through time and space back to the night Scott became Santa from the first movie, only this time, Jack beats him to the suit, becoming Santa.  Side note, they changed the belt in this one.  You'd think that they would match the suits perfectly since they have the original on hand, but alas, they didn't.  I guess after 12 years, somethings just fall through the cracks.

Weird.

When Jack becomes Santa, Scott is poofed to present day (12 years later) but in the timeline where he didn't become Santa.  So he's at the top of the toy company, driving a Ferrari, but he never became a better father and friend to his ex-wife.  He also learns that Frost-Santa has turned the North Pole into an amusement park, where everything (even the nice list) runs on cash.  It's the most unsubtle critique of the commercialization of Christmas you can imagine.  Also, funny thing to note, the only cash you see being accepted at the North Pole is the US dollar.  We also hear the wonderful line over the loudspeaker, "How much your parents love you is determined by how much they spend."

This place clearly sucks.  The kids are all spoiled, the parents are deflated, and the elves look like they want to kill themselves.  But Scott quickly devises a plan to fool Frost-Santa into using the escape clause as well.  Long story, short, it works and everything ends happily.  Alan Arkin learns Scott is really Santa and they're not in Canada in a very endearing way, the kind of thing only Alan Arkin can pull off.  And Frost's frozen heart is melted through the power of a hug.

Again, all in all, I liked this movie.  The escape clause stuff is a fun way to introduce young people to the idea of time travel and alternate timelines.  And although I didn't shed any tears, I was feeling nice and tingly inside at parts, especially Arkin's revelation.  Definitely an improvement over the
second installment, at least in the heart department.

Rating on the feel-good-o-meter: 5 out of 10 hugs